Name: Cat videos.
Age: 131.
Appearance: Legitimate entertainment.
Hang on, cat videos are 131 years old? Clearly, you have never seen The Boxing Cats, a 20-second film of two cats wearing boxing gloves and brawling inside a miniature ring. It was made by Thomas Edison’s production studio in 1894 and can be found in the Library of Congress.
So what you’re saying is that humanity hasn’t progressed meaningfully in almost a century and a half? No, I’m saying that there is something vital about the appeal of cat videos and the manner in which they have evolved with us.
But also … Well, yes, humans have always been easily pleased idiots.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, why are we talking about them today? Oh, because CatVideoFest 2025 is preparing to launch.
WhatVideoFest? Do keep your finger on the pulse, please. Every year since 2016, Will Braden has painstakingly assembled a compilation of online videos and public submissions into CatVideoFest, a feature-length, theatrically released montage of cat videos.
Seriously, is this a thing? Not only is it a thing, but it’s a wildly successful one at that. The 2021 edition grossed just $94,000 at the box office, but last year’s took more than a million dollars. If the series continues to get 10 times more successful every three years, CatVideoFest 2036 will be the most successful movie of all time.
So, is it any good? Sort of. Anyone who took their kids to see CatVideoFest 2024 will know that a nonstop barrage of cat videos starts to drag after about 20 minutes. But, boy, those opening 20 minutes were amazing.
What sort of cat videos do the films contain? Oh, all the fan favourites. You can probably expect videos of cats sneaking up on people, cats knocking stuff off tables and cats climbing up things.
What about videos of cats using toilets? Ah, a classic of the genre. I didn’t realise that I was dealing with a connoisseur.
Of course. Barely a day passes when I don’t watch the 2011 hit “Cat walking on two legs 2”. Yes, I think my favourite part of that is when … hey, are we just linking to cat videos now? I thought this was a serious website.
No, this is a discussion of how cinemas are learning to adapt to new audiences during a time of industry-wide constriction. Very intelligent. Almost as intelligent as the cat who opened a door for its owner who forgot her keys.
But what does this say about us as a society? Look, the world is a mess. Please just let us dissociate in front of some cat videos.
Do say: “CatVideoFest will save us all.”
Don’t say: “It can’t be any worse than The Smurfs.”