Anastasia, 31
There was an occasion when we had sex eight times in one day – we still call it our dirty weekend
Ricky and I have been together for 12 years and married for three. I still think about the first time we had sex – it was incredible. I remember thinking: how is this our first time? Because in my experience first times had always been a bit awkward.
It was so instantly fun and pleasurable, and felt very safe straight away. Ricky seemed so confident, and I thought: this guy must really know what he’s doing. It was only later that I found out he hadn’t slept with many people at all.
I’d known him for less than a week, but it was some of the best sex I’d ever had. I don’t think there is a correlation between penis size and sexual prowess, but Ricky has got a really nice penis. He went down on me that first time, which was rare for me.
There was an occasion when we had sex eight times in one day – we still call it our dirty weekend. Now we sometimes have sex once in eight days – but I’m still just as happy and satisfied. When you meet someone new it’s crazy and exciting, and then you just become really comfortable together. I have not once thought: I wish we were having more sex. Sometimes I have wondered: should we be having more sex? But that pressure is societal more than anything.
We have realised that although we don’t have sex that often now – maybe once a fortnight – when we do, we really do it. Sex will last an hour and it is very active. In that moment, neither of us is thinking about anything else. We are very connected. We have quite a set routine now, but it works for us.
I need some emotional connection before having sex, even if it’s just watching TV together. I like to have a shower and be prepped, whereas Ricky is ready to go at any time. We are both so busy that, despite living together, we can go a few days without even having time to chat about our day. So, for me, it is important to prioritise that kind of intimacy before sex.
Ricky, 33
I was not only falling in love with Anastasia, I was falling in love with sex as well
Before Anastasia, my relationship with sex was defined by its absence. I was a late bloomer and didn’t have sex until I was at university, but I thought about it so much. They say that if you want something, the worst way to get it is to want it too badly, and that was me when it came to losing my virginity.
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I was discovering so much about myself at that time, and my early sexual experiences ended up being very good. I’m pretty sure the girl who I lost my virginity to didn’t know I was a virgin. And then suddenly there was this person who I was falling in love with, and it felt very mature. It was fantastic to have the person who was my first consistent sexual partner then become my permanent partner. I was not only falling in love with Anastasia, I was falling in love with sex as well. I’ve got so used to having sex with someone who I absolutely love.
When we got together she was so complimentary about the first night we had sex because I made her come and I went down on her, and it was generally a really good time.
Even after 12 years, when we have sex we never half-ass it. It always feels really good. You fall into the habit of knowing one another and knowing what the other likes and dislikes.
I do feel as if I can be slightly impatient, as Anastasia really likes the scene to be set before we have sex. In fact, sometimes if we haven’t laid the groundwork enough, we can start and then just fall out of sync.
Though I’m very content with the amount of sex we’re having, I think we would be happier having more. Often she’ll suggest it to me and I’ll be like: “Yeah, OK.” Then, within two seconds, I’m like: “This is the best. Why don’t I do this every single day? How do I distract myself so successfully that I don’t want to do this twice a day?”