“If you don’t say what you want, your parents’ friends will buy you things like papier-mache crisp bowls,” warned my friend – and celebrant – when my partner and I got engaged.
We’re getting married in October. We’re not actually doing presents – we’re having a destination wedding and I need some way of assuaging that guilt – but she made a good point. What do you buy if there isn’t a list, and you don’t know the person very well, or if there is a list, but the only thing left is a bin?
Cash feels crass – “donations to the honeymoon” is a euphemism for cash – and homemade is hard to pull off unless you’re particularly skilled. Yet there are ways to find the right present for the right couple, at the right price.
Below is a non-exhaustive list of ideas from experts – newlyweds; divorcees who know over which wedding gifts they fought; and long-married couples – about what they cherish most, years on.
The best wedding gift ideas in the UK
Art
Nothing is more subjective than what people choose to display in their homes. But if you’re an artist yourself or have the money to commission something, a piece of art can make a wonderful gift. You could commission an illustrator to draw the place where the couple first met or got married, or perhaps frame a poem that’s meaningful to them.
One friend received a Sophia Langmead artwork of the punchline of an in-joke, which he describes as “ridiculous, completely personal and absolutely precious”. Keep it relatively small-scale – a large, loud piece of art is somewhat presumptuous.
Try a painting of a beloved walk or destination by Rose Owen; a personalised insult from Mr Bingo; an illustration of a favourite restaurant by Phoebe Rutherford or a pub by Matthew JK Grogan. Or visit They Made This, which showcases a good – and mostly affordable – range of artists and illustrators.
Wedding venue illustration print
From £7.99 at Etsy
Dinner Together by Nia Beynon
From £30 at They Made This
I Want To Jump In David Hockney’s Swimming Pool With You by Benjamin Thomas Taylor
From £35 at They Made This
Creative classes
For some couples, a practical, creative course can be a lot of fun. Try a blacksmith class at Oldfield Forge in Herefordshire (one friend used the sword they forged to cut their kids’ christening cake); plastic upcycling classes in Brighton; or a lesson in the Japanese art of Kintsugi, using golden resin to repair broken crockery.
If the couple have a country they love, consider a language lesson (or course, if your budget stretches that far). Several schools and teachers offer classes for couples, even if they’re of mixed linguistic ability, including Italian tutors in Liverpool, a French teacher in Kent and lessons in Spanish over FaceTime and Zoom.
Blacksmithing classes
From £78 at Oldfield Forge
£202.50 at Virgin Experience Days
Plastic upcycling classes
From £179 at Not On The High Street
From £179 at Indytute
Kintsugi workshop
£32 at Indytute
£130 for a couple at Virgin Experience Days
Cooking and gardening classes
One of the chief merits of an experience – a cookery course, say – is that it gives the couple something to look forward to after the wedding. Try baking courses, pasta-making courses and wine tastings: London’s Hedonism Wines is a particular favourite. At Waddesdon Manor near Aylesbury, couples can sample from the Rothschild family’s portfolio of wines while learning about the history of wine production. At the Wild Wine School in Cornwall, Somerset and London, the emphasis is as much on nature as what’s in your glass – perfect for eco-conscious couples who want to enjoy wine more mindfully.
If money is no object, give them a cooking or gardening course at Le Manoir aux Quat’Saisons in Oxfordshire or Coombeshead Farm in Cornwall. Or Migrateful supports migrants and refugees on their journey to integration by enabling them to teach cookery classes, which run in London and Bristol. Ukrainian chef Olia Hercules teaches ferments, noodles and dumplings at her home in east London, and food writer and forager Liz Knight teaches couples how to find food in the forests and fields of Abergavenny, Hay-on-Wye, Ledbury and Malvern.
Baking courses
From £75 at E5 Bakehouse
Italian cooking classes
From £115 at Enrica Rocca Cookery School
From £49 at Virgin Experience Days
Gardening classes
From £95 at the Raymond Blanc Gardening School
From £30 at RHS
Migrateful cooking classes
From £35 at Migrateful
Travel books
If they love travelling, Lonely Planet and National Geographic have a great selection, covering everything from beaches to ski slopes, or try a vintage travel guide. As ever, thoughtfulness is key: do the newlyweds have a place they return to again and again? Consider what they can afford: can they actually get to any of the Grand Hotels of the World or – considering the cost of a wedding – are they better off with an offbeat guide to Britain?
Lonely Planet Best Beaches: 100 of the World’s Most Incredible Beaches
£25.19 at the Guardian Bookshop
£22.33 at Amazon
100 Slopes of a Lifetime by Gordy Megroz
£30 at the Guardian Bookshop
£30 at Waterstones
South by William Sansom
£19.99 at the Vintage Book Company
Hand Luggage Only by Yaya Onalaja-Aliu and Lloyd Griffiths
£22 at Waterstones
£14.35 at Amazon
… and cookbooks
For some years, my go-to has been a cookbook because it’s so easy to tailor your selection to the couple. It could be one about their honeymoon destination (Tim Anderson’s JapanEasy is great for those off to Japan); a cuisine they have always loved, such as Ciudad de México by Edson Diaz-Fuentes; or a cookbook from their favourite restaurant. Alternatively, the book could centre on a favourite ingredient: choose a single-ingredient cookbook such as Ed Smith’s Good Eggs, Letitia Clark’s For the Love of Lemons or Samuel Goldsmith’s The Frozen Peas Cookbook. Hosts should have Skye McAlpine’s A Table For Friends; couples who cook on date nights might like Bre Graham’s Table for Two.
Good Eggs by Ed Smith
£19.80 at the Guardian Bookshop
£15.33 at Amazon
For the Love of Lemons by Letitia Clark
£25.20 at the Guardian Bookshop
£20.97 at Amazon
The Frozen Peas Cookbook by Samuel Goldsmith
£17.09 at the Guardian Bookshop
£14.25 at Hive
Table for Two by Bre Graham
£22 at the Guardian Bookshop
£17.97 at Amazon
Gifts for the home
If they’re after air fryers and toasters, they’ll probably have a registry list. But there are some gifts for the home that they may not have thought of. If you are, or you know, a talented potter, consider a handmade salad bowl, vase or jug. Well-chosen candleholders, together with a set of classic candles, are hard not to love.
Napkins are beautiful and infinitely customisable, either by theme or embroidered initials. I adore these on Etsy. A word to the wise, though; people are either into personalised items or they’re not. There is no middle ground.
And consider stationery: Meticulous Ink, based in Bath, has a beautiful range and offers calligraphy sets and classes. I’ve also repeat-gifted refillable notepads and writing sets from Aspinal.
Ester & Erik tapered candle set
£35 at Flowerbx
Hay patterned candles set
£14 at Heal’s
£17 at End
Glass fish candle holders
From £9.95 at Graham and Green
Rattan candle holders
£58 at Anthropologie
Embroidered linen napkins
From £27.46 at Etsy
A5 refillable journal
£90 at Aspinal of London
Kitchen kit
You have two options: something luxurious they may not buy themselves (a Thermomix, pizza oven or ice-cream maker would probably be well received, though not by a couple who live in a one-bed flat), or something they’ll use again and again, such as a classic Le Creuset, a Netherton Foundry pan or a very good-quality knife. Allday knives are excellent and come with a penny (for luck) and a plaster (should the penny not work).
Le Creuset Volcanic cast-iron soup pot
£129 at John Lewis
Netherton Foundry iron frying pan
£56.99 at Season
From £77 at Farm Fetch
Allday Maldon Everyday santoku knife
£140 at Allday
The gift of time
The gift of time is the best if money is tight – just make sure you follow through on the offer. A couple who already had young children when they wed were given babysitting vouchers by friends. Or you could give your services for the wedding itself: make the wedding cake, play the organ, help with wedding favours. Does the bride need 120 tiny bottles painstakingly filled with limoncello and labelled? Offer your services.
Subscriptions
Much as I love the idea of giving a whole trout, a kilo of clams or a wheel of parmesan – all genuine presents newlyweds I know have enthused about – there simply isn’t space to store them in most people’s fridge or freezer. More manageable are subscriptions for monthly deliveries of cheese, fish, chocolate or olive oil. Adopting a fruit tree from CrowdFarming means the couple will receive its produce throughout the harvest, supporting regenerative farming practices in the process. Or consider a gift voucher for online farmers’ markets such as Wylde or Pesky, which you can personalise with handwritten recipes, adding a small, non-perishable product from the market so they have a flavour of what to expect.
You could give a subscription offering food for the mind rather than body: an Everyman cinema pass for regular date nights; or a National Art Pass, which gives couples access to discounted exhibitions throughout the UK.
Cheese subscription
From £24 a month at Pong
£47 a month at Neal’s Yard Dairy
Chocolate subscription
From £15 a month at Harry Specters
Seasonal fruit subscription
From £21.90 a month at CrowdFarming
Everyman cinema pass
From £95 a year at Everyman
National Art Pass
From £20 for three months at Art Fund
A (thoughtful) bottle
Wine can fall under the category of generic, but there are ways to make it more special: a bottle of wine from the year of a couple’s marriage, or the year they met; a curated selection of wines, courtesy of Good Wine Good People, which asks newlyweds to fill in a “personal somm” questionnaire; or a wine from a meaningful place. Try Humble Grape, which has a wine team that sources bespoke wine gifts from across the world.
Curated wine selection
£90 at Good Wine Good People
From £31.90 at Humble Grape
Restaurant vouchers
Though I have been known to ask small restaurants or bars if I can pay in advance as a gift, it’s far easier if a restaurant offers vouchers.
Personal favourites include Noble Rot, Brat, Brunswick House, Sabor, Apricity and Wildflowers in London; The Fordwich Arms in Kent; Moor Hall in Lancashire; The Little Chartroom in Edinburgh; Brett in Glasgow; Ottolenghi (multiple locations); Winsome in Manchester; the Shed in Swansea; and Hambleton Hall in Rutland.
For pub lovers, there are lovely pubs with rooms, offering dinner and a stay in the countryside or by the sea. I love The Three Horseshoes in Batcombe, Somerset, the Suffolk in Aldeburgh-on-Sea and the Peacock Inn in Chelsworth, Suffolk.
Join forces with friends
I know I said cash is crass, but hear me out. Put into a pot, money works wonders. Some of the gifts that friends have clubbed together on over the years include paddleboards, fire pits, a cutlery set and even a contribution towards a dining table.
Cutlery set (24 pieces)
£89.99 at Season
Solo Stove smokeless fire pit
£264.99 at Solo Stove
£284.99 at John Lewis
Inflatable standup paddleboard
£149.99 at Decathlon
Memories
One of the most gorgeous gifts a friend of mine received was her wedding bouquet, which friends paid for and then got pressed.
Elsewhere, friends filled a wooden box with memories from the wedding: a pressed flower from the table; Polaroid pictures taken on the day; and poems or readings recited at the wedding, written out by a calligrapher.
Flower press
Selection from £5.94 at Etsy
£14.76 at Søstrene Grene
Instax Mini camera
£69.99 at John Lewis
£74.99 at Argos
Polaroid instant camera
£79.99 at Argos
£94.99 at John Lewis
How much should you spend on a wedding gift?
Ultimately, no amount of money thrown at a gift can make up for a lack of thought. That said, Debrett’s is on hand to advise how much you should “officially” spend. “The average range is between £50 and £100,” says Liz Wyse, Debrett’s etiquette adviser. “If you are a close friend or a family member, you may well choose to spend more. If you have been invited to an evening reception only, you would be expected to spend less, in the region of £25-50.
“But of course, much will depend on your social circle, the expectations of your friends and family, and the kind of presents that have been given within your social group. Ultimately, you should never bankrupt yourself or get into debt because you are trying to keep up with a level of present giving that is very elevated and beyond your reach.”
Did you receive a cherished gift on your wedding day? Or give a wedding gift that was particularly well received by a couple? Let us know by emailing thefilter@theguardian.com