By the time Layla had paid for flights, booked a hotel, bought a dress and contributed to the honeymoon fund, her friend’s wedding had cost her more than £1,600 – and it is just one of three she is attending this summer.
With more couples planning bigger celebrations – often with multiple events, and with some away from home, guests are left footing ever bigger bills.
Travel, accommodation, outfits, pre-wedding events, gifts and childcare can add up and push the costs of being a guest into the hundreds, and even thousands, of pounds.
So how are people managing? And what does it tell us about the expectations that come with being part of someone’s big day?
‘I have been saving since the announcement’
Guests are spending more than £2,000 a year, on average, to attend weddings and civil partnerships, according to research from the Money and Pensions Service (MaPS).
The biggest costs, MaPS found, were travel and accommodation, followed by new outfits and gifts.
Those aged 25 to 34 – the cohort who are most likely to be invited to several weddings in a year– spend about £740 a time on average, adding up to nearly £4,500 a year.
One 33-year-old, who lives in south-east London, went to 11 weddings last year – and his weekends for much of this summer involve hopping between celebrations.
“I love going, but I’m at an age when everyone seems to be doing it,” he says. “I have four weddings in four weekends over July, and the total for the year is eight.”
Three of the weddings, plus a stag do, involve long or overseas journeys. He estimates the total cost of being a guest this year will come to almost £3,000.
“The cost doesn’t tarnish the experience for me, but when there are at least a couple of foreign weddings each year then it starts to add up, and to eat into your holiday allowance,” he says.
One woman in her 40s, who also preferred to remain anonymous, estimates she has spent £1,750 so far on her sibling’s wedding, which will take place in a small city in England next year. The total covers the cost of accommodation for three nights for her and her family, suit hire for her teenage sons, a dress, hair and make up.
As a close family member, she says, she “would like to look half decent” for the photographs, and then there is the price of travel to and from the venue.
“They got engaged in February 2023, then announced the date in June – they have given us two years, for which I am very grateful. I have been saving since the announcement,” she says.
“Life is expensive these days – we live in different cities, and it is their wedding, so their home town makes sense. At least it is not abroad.”
Increasingly, couples are opting for multi-wedding formats, which can hike up costs, says Zoe Burke, a wedding expert and the editor of the website Hitched.
“With more and more couples choosing celebrant-led weddings over traditional religious ones, it means the legal bit needs to be done ahead of time [because celebrant weddings are not yet legal in England and Wales],” she says.
“This is where we are seeing couples opting for ‘micro weddings’ for immediate friends and family – at a register office to do the legal bit, followed by what a ‘typical’ wedding looks and feels like.”
The “double-do” has left some guests relying on credit to get them through the wedding season.
Research by the credit reference agency Experian found that 14% of wedding guests had acquired, or worsened their debt, through attending someone else’s celebration.
Almost half (46%) said they met the costs of attending weddings, and stag and hen dos, using money they had in a current account. About a quarter said they saved up specifically for the event, and 17% dipped into savings already earmarked for something else.
John Webb, a consumer expert at Experian, recommends thinking twice before accepting invitations if it is really going to stretch your budget.
“If you’re borrowing money to cover the cost of attending a wedding, make sure you’ve got a plan to repay it,” he says.
“You should always try to avoid taking credit you can’t afford to repay, or putting yourself under extreme financial pressure just to attend.”
‘With Mexico, we will just make it a holiday’
When couples tie the knot overseas, guests are often left with a much bigger bill.
Research from the credit card provider Amex suggests 40% of UK wedding guests will attend a “destination wedding” abroad this year, with the average cost now £1,956, according to Experian. That is enough to make some guests think twice before ticking “yes” on the RSVP.
About 29% of people in the UK have declined an invitation to a wedding outside the country in the past year because they could not take the time off work, felt the destination was too far away or were unable to afford the transport or accommodation, Experian’s research shows.
For Ellena, who is 27 and based in Amsterdam, making it to her friend’s wedding in London involved careful planning and compromise.
“A destination wedding can have quite the [carbon] footprint, right? So my partner and I were thinking about that. We wanted to get the Eurostar, but it was way too expensive.
“We opted to fly because it was going to save us so much time and so much money,” she says.
But there were limits to how cheaply they could travel: “If you’re bringing a suit, and a dress, the carry-on won’t do,” she says.
Next year, she has been invited to another wedding, this time in Mexico.
“With the engagement, you immediately have all this excitement, and then the day comes around, where you have to start thinking: ‘How do I get there? What gift do I get? What do I wear?’”
She has not looked into the costs yet, but says: “We will just make it a holiday, I guess, but we wouldn’t have originally gone to Mexico next on a trip.”
‘Honesty means nobody gets hurt’
Assessing your budget and the costs involved early on – to see whether the wedding is feasible – is key, Webb says, and that avoids those awkward last-minute dropouts, or unnecessary debts.
He recommends you speak to the couple sooner rather than later.
As he says: “Money conversations can feel awkward, but it’s important to be honest about your situation. Most people would rather you be upfront than silently struggle.
“You could suggest joining part of the celebration, such as a local reception, instead of the full trip, or sending a heartfelt message, or gift, if you can’t make it,” he says.
Burke advises focusing on the main day and not feeling obliged to attend everything.
This way, you don’t end up resentful or let “other people spend your money for you”, she says.
“This is especially relevant for destination weddings. And you don’t have to attend every single hen or stag do, bridal brunch or engagement dinner that you’re invited to,” she continues.
“If you can only afford to attend the wedding, then just attend the wedding.
“Honesty means nobody gets hurt. ‘I’m not able to afford both your destination wedding and the hen do, so please let me know which one you’d most want me to be at so I can plan for that’ is clear and polite, and it perfectly explains your situation.”
The same goes for multiple pre-wedding celebrations, Burke says.
“Saying: ‘I’m really sorry that I can’t afford to attend all three of the events, but I really want to celebrate with you, so please let me know which one is most important so I can prioritise’ simply lets them know your situation without going into too TMI [too much information] territory, or making them feel like you resent them for having multiple events.”
If an invitation says “no children”, and your childcare costs would be too high, you should let the couple know.
She says in this case, she would say something like: “Thank you so much for inviting me, however, I’m sadly unable to arrange childcare. I hope you both have the best day ever, and I’ll be raising a glass to you at home.
“Can’t wait to see the pictures!”